Genre: videogame AU
Summary: In which Zhou Mi is the avatar, Kyuhyun is the boss and Sungmin is the glitch.
The first level is forest.
Zhou Mo holds his sword high and slices through series of venomous snails and explosive turtles before reaching a castle perched in the trees. He climbs up a little ladder – swings his sword at a couple more aggressive reptiles, and finally reaches the boss’ chamber.
“Hi Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi greets Kui Xian, who jumps off his throne and, looking quite bored, sends a rain of arrows down on him.
“Hi Mimi,” he replies. “What’s that thing behind you?”
Zhou Mi turns back. Nothing.
“Nothing?” he tries, dodging an arrow.
“I’m serious,” Kyuhyun says, “there’s a- pile of pixels following you.”
That time, when Zhou Mi turns around, he catches a burst of color at the edge of his vision.
“Must be a glitch,” he tells Kui Xian, “-ow!” The arrow lodged itself into his arm before disappearing into virtual nothingness.
Zhou Mi dodges the next shot and crawls on the ground to avoid the following ones. There’s a trap in the middle of the room, which he avoids by jumping on a log. He reaches Kui Xian and swiftly launches a high kick.
“So, how’s everything?” he asks Kui Xian.
“Pretty good,” Kui Xian says, throwing a punch that makes Mi’s LP bar drop a bit.
He sweeps his leg under Kui Xian’s and watches his figure blink a dramatic red.
“See you soon,” Kui Xian says before disappearing.
The glitch is still here in the next level. Zhou Mi catches a glimpse of pixels trailing behind him as he slips on a patch of ice.
It follows him when Zhou Mi stabs at furious penguins and enormous polar bears.
More interestingly, the glitch manages to slip under his feet when Zhou Mi is about to fall into a crevice.
“Huh,” he says, puzzled. “Thank you, I guess.”
He steps away from the edge of the crevice and offers his hand to the lump of pixels, but it only turns into a deep shade of fuchsia and slips back behind him.
Zhou Mi giggles: “Shy, aren’t you?”
“Your pet followed,” Kui Xian notices right away.
“I know, right!” Zhou Mi beams, stepping aside before an ice shard lodges itself in his chest. “I think it likes me,” he adds, jumping on top of a murderous walrus. “It’s trying to protect me, it’s cute.”
“Yeah, well,” Kui Xian grumbles, shooting freeze rays everywhere across the room. “Don’t get too attached, it’s just a glitch.”
“Oh Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi coos, sending him flying into the nearest wall, “you’re cute too.”
The glitch seems to have evolved when Zhou Mi reaches the next level, chopping down carnivorous plants with his machete. It looks less like a lump; now it’s like a pixelated gummy bear that hops next to Zhou Mi – it seems to have stopped hiding as well.
“You’re pretty adorable, you know?” Zhou Mi tells the glitch and pats its head.
Again, the thing flushes a pretty red and Zhou Mi ‘aw’s, before picking it up and stroking its blurry head.
Zhou Mi has to climb up a few lianas, chops down nasty carnivorous flowers and jump above streams filled with piranhas, glitch tailing him the whole time, before he reaches Kui Xian’s Aztec pyramid, surrounded by evil monkeys chucking banana peels at Zhou Mi’s face.
“Still haven’t gotten rid of the thing?” Kui Xian growls.
The glitch jumps up and down angrily – at least Zhou Mi reads it as anger. It doesn’t do much more than jumping up and down after all.
“You’re so mean, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi pouts as a cloud of bats sweep down on him. “Glitch-didi is so nice and cute.”
The glitch squirms bashfully.
Kui Xian somberly avoids Zhou Mi’s machete.
“Whatever,” he mutters. “I’m mad at you.”
At the next level, the glitch has a face. It’s still a bit blurry but it’s there nonetheless, dark eyes and a red mouth and hah! Zhou Mi was right! It’s definitely cute!
“I should give you a name,” he tells the glitch while they’re hoping in a metal boat that hopefully will get them across the lava lake. The glitch climbs onto Zhou Mi’s lap and practically purrs, which Zhou Mi takes as consent.
“You look like a Cheng Min,” he tells the glitch, and it rubs its head against Zhou Mi’s chest.
Cheng Min tries to make itself – himself? – helpful by tripping Zhou Mi’s enemies (fire-spitting salamanders) several times. Apparently he’s unaffected by their powers and seems pretty immune to lava as well. Still, Zhou Mi feels kind of bad for exploiting him that way, so he carries him on the short portions where they have to walk.
“This is getting ridiculous,” Kui Xian, riding a dragon, says. “You do realize it can walk, right?”
Cheng Min wiggles in Zhou Mi’s arms.
“Is it staring at me – wait a sec, Mi, is your pet glaring at me?”
“Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi says with as much authority in his voice as he can muster. “You’re going to be nice and get along with Cheng Min from now on!”
Kui Xian’s dragon sends a burst of flames towards him. Zhou Mi then decides to beat some sense into Kui Xian.
The last level is clouds. Zhou Mi finds that out by falling from one before something catches him by his ankle and hauls him back up on the fluffy ground. He finds himself face to face with a pretty man who looks at him with adoration and belatedly Zhou Mi realizes that this is Cheng Min, this is his glitch peering up at him like Zhou Mi is heaven and earth all rolled up into one.
“Um, hi,” Zhou Mi breathes because the moment is sort of intense and he doesn’t want to ruin it.
“Hello,” the boy – the glitch – Cheng Min answers and his voice is surprisingly scratchy. “I’ve been waiting for this instant for so long,” he says, and then he leans forward and kisses Zhou Mi, straight on the mouth.
“Mph!” Zhou Mi says. Cheng Min is a nice kisser and Zhou Mi realizes his mouth is opening all of its own accord to let a hot, quick tongue slip in and do wonders against Zhou Mi’s.
“Ah!” Zhou Mi says next. “Cheng Min-,” he places both hands on Cheng Min’s shoulders and pushes him away just enough so they can both breathe. “Cheng Min, we need to finish the game before, you know, um-,” Zhou Mi makes circular motions with his hands.
Cheng Min stares at him. He’s got a string of saliva dripping from his lip. It’s a bit distracting.
“It can wait,” he tells Zhou Mi huskily. “We can stay here for a while, fool around, no one will know.”
“No,” Zhou Mi frowns. “Kui Xian will wait for me. I don’t like to make Kui Xian unhappy.”
“Oh,” Cheng Min says. “Kui Xian, right…”
The journey to the castle in the clouds is awkward, and not because they are birds charging at them. Cheng Min is sulking and refuses to answer when Zhou Mi addresses him.
All in all, Zhou Mi is pretty happy to start fighting the winged pigs that guard the castle.
In the boss’ chamber, though, there are no assailants and Zhou Mi thinks it’s suspicious so he loses precious time jumping up at each weird pattern on the floor.
When he reaches the throne, though, there’s no trap and only Kui Xian, sitting there alone, looking down.
“Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi says softly. “What’s wrong?”
He hears a small sob. Behind him, Cheng Min snorts.
“Cheng Min,” Zhou Mi tells him sternly. “Behave.”
“You don’t love me,” Kui Xian mumbles then.
“Oh, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi says, heartbroken. “Of course I do, of course I love you.”
“No you don’t!” Kui Xian yells. “You find any excuse to cheat on me with that cyber-mistake!” He waves furiously in Cheng Min’s direction.
“Cheng Min is nice to me!” Zhou Mi yells back (at the same time Cheng Min yells: “I’m not a cyber-mistake!”). “He actually helps me get through this instead of sending crazy transgenic animals after me!”
“I’m sorry about the pigs,” Kui Xian sniffles. “Do you still love me?”
“I do love you, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi repeats. “But it’s not only about the pigs. There are also the piranhas, the penguins, the birds…”
“…and about the piranhas, the penguins, the birds, the turtles and the snails,” Kui Xian mumbles. “Now can you get rid of the glitch?”
“I’m not getting rid of Cheng Min,” Zhou Mi says firmly. “I’m adopting him, and I’m adopting you, and we’re all going to stop fighting. I want to see you two hug now.”
Kui Xian and Cheng Min reluctantly hug and Zhou Mi pretends he doesn’t see how they’re trying to crush each other’s ribs.
“Zhou Mi!” Kyuhyun yells. “Zhou Mi, what the fuck did you do with my game?”
“I have no idea what you mean, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi says from his seat in Sungmin’s lap.
“Ignore him,” Sungmin purrs, licking at Zhou Mi’s neck. “He’s just jealous.”
A/N: This is pure, random crack. I should be working on my serious WIPs...