Pairing: Donghae/Hyukjae [Super Junior]
Genre: crack, superhero AU, bandfic
A/N: for zqlin@tumblr. Read her prompt here. Title comes from Super Junior's Superman.
Summary: In which everyone has a secret identity except Siwon, since the mask would tarnish his handsome features.
Cleaning stains from his velvet costume was starting to become hideously expensive. Lee Hyukjae sighed. He should probably listen to his old friend and designer Eedna Mode and just drop the cape altogether. It was hard, though. The cape held a strong sentimental value, some sort of retro, vintage, nostalgic feeling amongst super heroes – and Hyukjae was a super hero.
At day he was normal, ordinary Lee Hyukjae, average citizen and mild porn-addict, but at night, he changed into his superhuman alter ego, the Silver Anchovy, and fought crime and diabetes.
But all this power had a cost – Hyukjae made a face – a very tangible cost in washing-machine tokens at the Laundromat two blocks away from his flat. He had slipped into a puddle of milk last night during a fight against Lady HeeHee and her three evil cats, resulting into numerous scratches on his forearms and splatters of white on the grey velvet of his super suit – lucky for him, though, Hyukjae had escaped HeeHee’s fatal death kiss.
A soft cough interrupted his daydream and Hyukjae turned his head so fast he gave himself whiplash. Holding his neck and nearly crying from the pain, he managed to give a shaky smile to the person who was now standing in front of him.
Lee Donghae was a poor orphan who had just recently moved from Mokpo to Seoul after his father’s fishing boat had sunk. He was now trying to get famous as a musical actress and in the meantime he worked as a waitress in a cookie and cupcake café.
Naturally, he hadn’t told Hyukjae this himself. Hyukjae had sort of stalked him to learn all of that.
“Nglf,” he told Donghae.
“Hello,” Donghae said musically. “I think your cycle is done, would you mind if I took your machine? All of the others are being used at the moment.”
“Mnbl!” Hyukjae nodded with ardor.
“Thank you!” Donghae said with a charming smile.
Hyukjae laughed nervously and just stared at his perfect teeth. Donghae cocked his head to a side. Hyukjae stared.
“Oh, uh, sorry! I haven’t introduced myself! I’m Lee Donghae!” Donghae laughed, a beautiful happy sound, and extended his hand – his perfect, pale hand with delicate, long fingers – and Hyukjae felt his throat tighten.
“Hyukjae,” he managed to rasp out, feeling his own moist paws come in contact with Donghae’s flawless skin.
“Nice to meet you!” Donghae grinned. “So, the machine?”
“Oh!” Hyukjae chuckled nervously. “Yes, of course, sorry, haha, look, I’m getting my stuff out right now, haha!”
He tugged the whole pile of clothes into his arms. Donghae smiled back.
“So… I guess I’ll see you around? Maybe? Soon?” Hyukjae said hopefully.
“Yeah – hey, don’t you think it smells of fish?”
Hyukjae laughed embarrassedly and discreetly kicked a stray sock away.
“No, haha! Not at all! Well! I have to get going! ‘kay thanks bye!”
Hyukjae made his way home carrying his now clean clothes and whistling happily to himself. It was a bright day. He had spoken to Donghae and Donghae now knew who he was, and tonight Hyukjae was going to fight bandits and juvenile acne while wearing a costume that smelled of fresh pine and lavender.
Life was beautiful.
“Hi Henli! Have a nice day!” Hyukjae trilled, grinning gummily at his young neighbor as they met in the hallway. The poor boy was Canadian and didn’t understand a word of Korean. Hyukjae did his best to try and integrate him by frequently engaging into skinship so Henli could feel more at ease in Korea.
“H-h-hel-lo-h-h-hyung!” the unfortunate foreigner stuttered. Oh, yes, because Henli also had a stammer. Really, the boy just kept piling them up…
Hyukjae shook his head with a small sigh as he started hanging his washing out on his balcony. Poor Henli. But Hyukjae’s good mood wasn’t going to be dimmed by an awkward teenager from overseas! He started singing softly under his breath as he hung his costume with a clothes peg, smoothing out the wrinkles on the cape neatly.
Something, though, caught his attention and managed to make a dent in his enthusiasm.
His underwear was missing.
Hyukjae cursed under his breath. It was hard enough as it was to find child-sized spandex boxers that resisted high pressures and temperatures, without someone stealing them! It wasn’t the first time it happened and the fact worried Hyukjae.
Clearly, someone was after him…
“I have no idea who that could be,” Yesungello mumbled awkwardly when Hyukjae mentioned the topic later that day. Then again, Yesungello, the oldest member of his group of ninja turtles – and the only human one – was always awkward. It was his special power: he could make anyone uncomfortable in two seconds and could have a conversation wither down to stilted small talk about the weather with even the most chatty people in the world.
It was truly a gift of a kind.
“Yeah…” Hyukjae said, eyes shifting to the nearest wall.
“Yeah…” Yesungello replied.
“So… wanna watch TV?”
“By the way,” Hyukjae remembered later as they were watching the young, blond girl spin the wheel. It was an old re-run of a program from the seventies in dubbed Swedish. “Are you going to the reception at the Choi Manor tonight?”
Choi Siwon was the most eligible man in town and he frequently held huge parties with all the upper crust to show off his immense wealth.
“No,” Yesungello said, “I haven’t been invited.”
“Ah.” Hyukjae said.
“Have you?” Yesungello asked.
“Yes.” Hyukjae said.
Siwon tackled him into a hug that would have broken a few of Hyukjae’s ribs, hadn’t he had super elastic fish bones.
“Hyukjae!” Siwon exclaimed with a bright, obnoxious smile. “I’m so glad you came, Ming has been asking about you!”
Marilyn Mingroe, Siwon’s fiancé, was Hyukjae’s childhood friend. Hyukjae had had the hugest crush on him before the whole Donghae thing and as a consequence, had spent quite a lot of time hating Siwon’s guts. Later he had discovered that even without being immensely jealous of him, it was still hard to put up with Siwon.
Ming actually seemed to share this opinion since half the time he was next to Siwon, he looked like he wanted nothing more than to either run away sobbing with boredom or to knock Siwon out with the nearest blunt object.
“Hyukjae,” said a tired voice, “finally, you’re here to save me.”
Ming stood up on his toes to kiss Hyukjae’s cheek, leaving a faint smudge of lipstick on his skin.
“Aw babe,” Siwon said cheesily, “don’t said that, you love parties! Right, babe?”
“…right,” Ming said. “Hyukjae, come have a walk with me?”
He slipped his arm under Hyukjae and pulled him to the nearest balcony, taking a deep breath once they were outside.
“This feels good,” he sighed. “Siwon can be such a bore…”
Hyukjae was about to make a comment about knowing it all along when there was a loud explosion coming from the ballroom. Ming gasped and clung to his arm:
“Hyukkie!” he said, “What should we do?”
“Stay here, Ming, I’ll go inside see what happened.”
Hyukjae gave Ming a reassuring smile before slipping back in the room, popping the buttons of his suit open – it took a bit of time around the cufflinks – and emerging in his Silver Anchovy costume.
There were a few gasps and several murmurs of admiration. Hyukjae grinned.
“It’s Super Siwon!” someone shouted.
Hyukjae was pushed to a side as someone dashed by him – he caught a glimpse of blue and red and chocolate abs, and moments later Siwon came running back into the room holding Ming bridal-style.
“Ming!” he bellowed. “You’re safe now! It’s fine babe, I saved you!”
“…Siwon,” Ming said tiredly. “I’m not even wounded, what is wrong with you?”
Hyukjae was about to slip his tuxedo back on when he suddenly heard a satanic cackle. His heart missed a beat as he saw Donghae, his Donghae, in the clutches of a weird guy wearing a jester costume and holding a controller in his hand.
“Hahahahaha!” the villain boomed. “I’m Harley Q, I’m not using honorifics because such is the charm of the secret identity, and I’ve taken this guy here hostage!”
(“Ming you’re bleeding!” Siwon was yelling.
“It’s ketchup, Siwon, you just stained my dress...”)
“This remote control is linked to a bomb I’ve placed in his pants” – so that was the prominent bulge, Hyukjae thought, a bit disappointed – “and in one single combo I can make him blow up StarCraft-style!”
The world seemed to slow down as Harley Q’s thumb hovered over the A button. Hyukjae thought quickly. He could do this. He could save Donghae’s life. Closing his eyes, he propelled himself through the crowd, quick and slim like- well, like an anchovy, and barreled into Harley Q. The villain yelled in shock and tried to grapple at him but Hyukjae’s scales were too slippery for Harley Q’s gloved fingers. Hyukjae sent a high kick that had Q landing onto his butt, allowing Hyukjae to pull off his mark.
“Ew,” the audience said when they saw Q’s ugly acne scars.
Reaching frantically, fins moist with anxiety, Hyukjae pressed ‘B-Y-B’ and with a soft click he heard the bomb defusing. He sighed with relied and rushed over to Donghae.
“Are you alright?” he asked him softly.
Donghae nodded and, without uttering a word, proceeded to faint in Hyukjae’s arms.
Donghae woke up a few hours later, in Hyukjae’s flat.
“Hyukjae?” he called out. Hyukjae had been watching the sewers from his sitting position on the windowsill. He turned back sharply to Donghae.
“How did you know it was me?” he rasped huskily.
“Oh Hyukjae…” Donghae whispered. “I could recognize that fish and soybean paste smell anywhere.”
Hyukjae gathered him in his arms.
“You know this is impossible, right?” he said sadly. “With great power comes great responsibility. I couldn’t risk putting you into harm’s way…”
“Hush, silly,” Donghae said. “Now kiss me.”
Donghae sniffed the little bottle with suspicion:
“I think your lube is out of date,” he said with a disgusted face.
Hyukjae deflated. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” Donghae grinned and stalked over to him on all fours. “Lucky for you, I’m very creative.”
“Oh!” Hyukjae said again later when Donghae was holding both of their cocks in one hand and rubbing at Hyukjae’s slit with his thumb.
He was a fucking artist.
The news anchor’s speech was unintelligible; Hyukjae often wondered why KBS News had hired a Chinese guy for their eight a.m. report.
“The city hall, it was attacked,” the guy was mumbling, “many people, they were wounded. The mayor, he said measures, they needed to be taken.”
The video recording of the attack on the city hall showed a deflagration blowing up all the windows and people running around in a panic.
Suddenly, though, the image seemed to twist and blur before a poorly lit webcam-recording replaced it.
“My mistake,” said a muffled voice from underneath a silk and satin mask that Hyukjae had seen in Louis Vuitton’s latest Fall-Winter collection. “I am Mi,” the masked bandit said with a flurry of designer cape, “the mischievous Mandarin mobster. My minions and I are most merry at the mere thought of making mean mishaps and Machiavellian mischiefs mess up this megalopolis. My miserable enemies might moan and moon but no mercy! I mean harm and…”
The image faded away and the regular news report was back and the anchor, seemingly imperturbable, was still painstakingly deciphering his lines.
Well that was worrying. Hyukjae would have to think up a strategy.
“Hyukkie…” Donghae whined. “Come back in bed and have sex with me.”
Strategies could wait.
Hyukjae chewed at his bulgogi and frowned.
“Hae,” he said, “I think we’re out of kimchi. This is disgustingly bland.”
Donghae smiled and pecked his lips:
“You stay in bed,” he said, “I’m going out to get some.”
Hyukjae grinned at him: “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
Hyukjae stretched on the bed and rolled around happily. This must be what true bliss felt like, he thought sleepily as his eyes closed.
When he woke up it was dark and Hyukjae was alone, and cold.
“Donghae?” he called.
No one answered.
Hyukjae rushed out in the living room and gasped: the window was wide-open, wind blowing sinisterly in the curtains and pinned to the wall with- was that a violin bow? – was a note.
In broken Korean, with letters cut from magazines (Hyukjae recognized last month’s Vogue and Men’s Health):
‘hEy lEE hyuKJae or sh0Ld i sAy siLVer AnCHovy i have uR lovebiRD adn i'm not gIViNg hIM bak. b on teH r00f at midNigth or Else…’
“Nooo!” Hyukjae cried.
“Yesungello,” he sobbed into his phone, “it’s time to gather the old team.”
In Super Men Academy, they had been called Super Juniors because of their incredible abilities at such a young age. Once they had been fourteen – no, wait, fifteen – wait, that wasn’t it either. Was it? Anyway, the point was, they were young, brave, fearless (except for a few) and more importantly, they were friends.
Now not so much, Hyukjae thought bitterly, looking at the rest of the group.
Wonder Wookie was still eyeing Yesungello flirtily and Yesungello still avoided his eyes awkwardly, but Captain Korea (Number One Sexy Guy) was a bit pot-bellied and the only thing still flaming about the Human Torch was his hair.
“Hey!” Shindong protested feebly. “Pink is in this year!”
No, the only one who had actually improved was Kibum: now, he wasn’t only the Invisible Man, he was the Invisible-and-Inaudible Man. That guy was amazing.
Hyukjae sighed. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “To the rooftop!”
“Yay!” Wookie chirped, and Yesungello blushed and tripped on his own katana.
At first they thought there was no one here, and then a voice seemed to emerge from the shadows:
“I knew you would come,” it muttered darkly. “Afraid to show up alone, Silver Anchovy? Oh, never mind, I can take you all. Do you think you can handle the wrath of… The Hamster!”
And with a dramatic jump, the villain jumped out of the darkness.
“Henli!” Hyukjae gasped. “You speak Korean after all?”
“MY NAME,” Henli yelled, “IS HENRY! HEN-RY! Is it really that hard to pronounce, Lee Hyukjae?”
“Oh no!” Hyukjae said, “you know my secret identity?”
“Of course I do,” the Hamster snickered, “who do you think kept stealing your underwear? Your soft elastane briefs are mine, Anchovy! And now I’ve also kidnapped your lover, you’re at my mercy!”
With a snap of fingers, Henry motioned towards the sky and revealed Donghae, trussed up, gagged and tied to a crane.
“Release Donghae, you scumbag!” Hyukjae shrieked, “he has nothing to do with- whatever this is. Wait, what do you want, actually?”
The Hamster scowled, his cute cheeks puffing up even more, whiskers ruffled up with annoyance:
“I want… fame,” he growled, “I want… control. And with the help of my accomplices, I shall get it!” He clapped his hands and a bunch of people suddenly landed on the rooftop, grinning somberly at Hyukjae and his, uh, team.
“HeeHee, Q, Mi, get rid of this bunch of losers,” Henry boomed.
“Ksss,” Lady HeeHee hissed;
“Marvelous!” Mi chirped;
“Okay,” Harley Q said.
Without waiting another second, Hyukjae launched himself at the Hamster, grabbing at him and trying to avoid his sharp incisors and tiny claws.
Meanwhile, Wonder Wookie was trying to tame one of HeeHee’s cats with his lasso and Yesungello had launched his turtles after the others. Captain Korea was running after Harley Q, roaring at the impertinent quips of the insolent jester; and Shindong had set Mi’s cape on fire – Mi was screaming about ‘mauve-haired miscreants’. Lady HeeHee seemed to be talking to herself, so either she was insane (probable) or she and Kibum were old friends.
“Ahah!” a voice boomed just when Hyukjae had finally managed to tackle the Hamster to the floor in a loose judo hold. “Just in time, it would seem! Super Siwon saves the day!”
“…fuck,” Hyukjae cursed. He spotted Ming sitting on the parapet, looking bored and filing his nails.
Siwon pulled a bag of kibbles from his backpack and shook it, immediately distracting HeeHee and her cats: they all came running up to him, purring like lawnmowers.
“Nice, bro,” Shindong said appreciatively. He had cornered Mi, gagged him and tied him up nicely, while Wookie and Yesungello had somehow managed to knock Harley Q out and had left him in Mi’s lap.
“Would you mind letting go of me,” the Hamster mumbled. Hyukjae then realized he had been sitting on top of him.
“Oh!” he said. “Sorry about that.”
Hyukjae let the others take care of Henry while he rushed to Donghae’s rescue, climbing up the ladder of the crane, eyes closed against vertigo. Donghae yelped when Hyukjae ripped off the tape covering his lips and the kiss they shared afterwards was a bit sticky and smelled of plastic.
“You’ve rescued me twice in two days,” Donghae mumbled.
“Don’t make a habit of getting into harm’s way,” Hyukjae whispered back sappily. “I rather like having you around.”
“That’s good,” Donghae replied seductively, “I think I’m getting quite fond of you myself.”
They kissed again and then Hyukjae climbed back down, Donghae clutching at his back, arms wrapped around Hyukjae’s neck.
When they arrived at the rooftop, Siwon was inexplicably crying and Ming looked vaguely embarrassed.
“He just got dumped,” Yesungello deadpanned with a nod towards Siwon who just sobbed harder.
“Cheer up,” HeeHee purred, “I’m here for you, you know. I’ve always liked men with special talents.”
She made grabby hands at him, handcuffs tingling menacingly - somehow this scared Siwon even more.
Hyukjae smiled warmly at his friends and left towards the sunset, Korean flag floating in the horizon. His hand was wrapped around Donghae’s.